Not doing well.

I feel incredibly low today. Seriously low. Not a great way to start an entry but if I dont get this out somehow then its going to become worse. I have already had thoughts of harming myself, and of wishing I was dead so that this was all over. I would like to say that I dont want to die, but, the truth is, I dont want to keep feeling like this. I can't face another day, or even another hour of feeling so absolutely despondent and depressed. Thinking that I will be like this for a good while yet makes me want to give up. I am so tired of being tired. I just dont know how long I can keep going on for, or even if I actually want to keep going. What I would like to do is to lie down, close my eyes and drift off to sleep and never wake up.

Yesterday was a terrific day. A friend visited from Essex, bringing her three children with her. The six children played very well together. All day! They spent a large proportion of this time in the garden with the chickens and dug up LOTS of worms for them, which they then fed to them by hand. The chickens were extremely greatful for the treats,especially as they didnt even have to work for it! We had a cheat lunch of pizza and I should warn anyone at this point that if the pizza is called 'Inferno' then it is going to cause you severe pain on the tongue. In the end we picked the seriously hot chillis of and just left the milder ones.
Today we are going to visit a 'Cube'. Well, a lady who has an Omlet Cube. We are getting a new one, the decision has been made, but want to go and see one anyway. I am looking forward to it with childlike excitement.
The weather today is bitterly, bitterly cold. The wind is so cold it seems to cut through all the layers of clothes and into your skin. I was going to go to the allotment this morning but as its an exposed area I chickened out (pardon the pun please).