All Change

After a rather bad step back with regard to the PND, I have been to the GP after getting an emergency appointment;phoneing at 4.45pm, and bursting into tears when told there was nothing left for that day can get you an emergency, emergency appointment apparently. I have now had a change of meds. As I am no longer breastfeeding (telling the GP this made me start crying again, I LOVED breastfeeding) I can now have Florextine, which is what I have had previously, rather than Citalopram. It means there will be a short period where I may feel worse (whoohoo, Hubby is really looking forward to that. Not.) but hopfully the new meds will kick in and give me a more constant state of emotions. We shall see.

As I type this, the weather is dismal. Typical English Autumnal weather. Rain. Lots of it. My poor bedraggled chickens are hiding under their cube looking all forlorn and more than a little damp. I have got to get the roof done for them. It will only mean a few plastic sheets over the run but really will make life a little less wet for them. I have popped the heating on here as we got soaked coming back from preschool. Oh to be in England.

I have been busy busy busy this morning. I have been drying orange slices for pot pouri, and cooking my homemade mince meat that I started yesterday AND, I have made some beaded bracelets too. I have really enjoyed it but now I need some more findings. I am not getting much from John Lewis, its a great place to get you started but not the cheapest way to do it, if you want to do it in any volume.

Its been a while.

Lots has changed. Some good, some not so good. The first major alteration in circumstances is the allotment. I've had to give it up for a few seasons. I've had problems with my right hip since my middle child was born, he is now 3 and it still gives me considerable pain and prevents me from walking. The main problem is it is so sporadic, I cannot predict when I will next be suffering. I can go for a few weeks absolutely fine and then literally whilst walking down the road, usually on a school run, BAM, I can't walk. So, As my plot was in such a waterlogged unworked state for so long, it was becoming impossible for me to keep ahead of this years weeds and rain. I can't tell you how devastated I was to have to do it. Going there was my retreat, my sanctuary if you like. The community spirit there was just amazing, the stillness, the atmosphere. Its all gone now and I am still upset about it a month down the line.

In looking for a silver lining to my allotment cloud I have realised that I will get much more time to do other things I would like to. I've been making jams, and cordials, and rather an abundance of flavoured spirits for Christmas gifts. I've also been sewing things, wheat bags and the like. I am learning to crochet, with the help of you tube and am also dabbling with beaded jewellery. I took a two hour basic lesson at Centre Parcs and completely loved it. I have masses to learn but love tinkering with my beads and crimps.

One of the good things thats occured is that my PND seems to be less severe, in that I have odd bad days, rather than odd good ones. I still get really low ones, and then the need, the desire to run and hide forever is hard to resist, but, good days are fabulous, I am getting on with things around the house, the children are amazing and life is good.

I have somehow rather foolishly volunteered to help organise the St Pauls School Christmas fair. How did that happen? There is so much to do, and so little time, I have a small group of others who also breavely stepped up when needed but, arrgggghhh. The pressure. (ok, so actually I a looking forward to being a little useful, and hope it will boost my confidance in my abilities).