Plans and Progress (or not)

Well, its been a few days since I last posted. Mainly as I had forgotten my password. I have found that one of my PND symptoms is a very, very poor memory. Its actually quite scary to know that you know something but that you simply cannot remember it. There have been a couple of horrible occasions when I have forgotten my own daughters name. Its saddening, but, I cling to the hope that its simply a temporary thing. On a better note though, the increased dose of meds seems to be paying off, I have had an unprecedented 5 days in a row where I have been normal, functioning, in control and able to deal with the ups and downs of life with children. I have had times of great enjoyment playing with them. Again, its a small glimmer of hope amongst the shadows of despair that I have lived in for 4 months.
In this state of normalacy, I have rearranged the lounge. Why? So that I can sit and have a better view of my Chickens! I have even trimmed some overgrown shrubs that were obscuring my view. The chickens are still bringing me a great sense of fulfillment. Each time I collect an egg I feel excited and yet calmed, if thats not too contrary. They are such peaceful creatures and they really do seem to help me relax. Despite them scratching the garden to oblivion. I am hoping that the destruction will eventually cause my hubby to cave and allow me to buy a purpose built walk in run. Sneaky! you bet, but, its still so enjoyable watching them in the garden. My parents were here at the weekend, and they went away with two x 1/3 of a doz eggs, and two jars of my homemade sweet chili jam. I got quite a sense of achievment being able to pass those on, I know I didnt actually lay the eggs myself, but, I did make the Jam, and it is me who tends the hens so, I do help (or like to think so) in the egg production process. I feel I should also mention that Saturday was our first 5 egg day! Molly has started to lay too now, so, its just Charlotte to go. I plan to sell the eggs for £1 for 1/3 of a doz. The money is going to go into a big jar. I am not sure what for, but its a good feeling to think that it will be MY money, not housekeeping money.
I have been planning my veg growing. Having been sent some free seeds, I shall be using those to start off down the lottie. It makes sense, until things are up and running properly (at least two seasons I fear) I can't really be too precious about what to plant. So, its carrots, onions, Cos lettuce and some Mezzuna (salad leaves) for this year. I am going to reuse the small veggie areas at the bottom of the Garden too, just got to keep the girls off of it once its in use.
I was chatting with a neighbour recently and he is going to try and procur me some free timber. The local timber yard backs on to his place of work and they have a huge pile of unsaleable timber and they will let him have some. Also, he is going to ask one of his fellow allotmenteers to make me a pointed spade (similar to the ones you always seem them use in american films). Its £15 but it makes sense that it will make turning over the soil easier, especially my very heavy water sodden clay soil.

Red Eglu, Green Eglu

The three new hens are laying very well, we had a full house yesterday, though am somewhat disappointed with just one egg from them today. Storm produced her perfect little egg this morning; I had it poached on toast with yesterdays little gift egg from her. Delicious, and the colour of the yolk was stunning, a deep yellow/orange colour.
Zsa Zsa, one of the new hens (Red Eglu flock) is pecking the other two, taking feathers. I got in touch with the previous owner and it seems that this had started to happen before I got them, which is good in that the move hasnt caused the behaviour, bad in that it means its established behaviour and will be very hard to break. I have got some anti peck spray on order, which should arrive monday or tuesday of next week. Hopefully that will sort it, if not, I shall have to step up to move intensive anti peck lotions which, as far as I can gather smell totally revolting even to humans. Nice.
No sign of Molly producing that first egg despite lots of crouching going on. She was so approachable on Monday I really thought we might see something soon. As for the pale egg from the other day, I am now not sure it was Charlottes as nothing else has been seen. Only Storm is laying regularly from the Green Eglu flock.
On Wednesday (yesterday) I gave a half dozen of our precious eggs to our neighbour; they are a lovely family. Obviously we had a conversation about the hens, its the first time I have seen her since before we got them. She was extremely interested and even more excitingly apparently her son has asked for Chickens before and since seeing mine is more keen than ever. I have said he is very welcome to come and look at the set up, Eglu and runs, and to meet the girls of course. I hope he does, and I also hope he remains keen, it would mean a Hen sitter on our doorstep which would be fabulous.
Hubby told me to order the run extention for the new girls. I am relieved actually as they really need the extra room but I was worried about asking. However, he was fine, and was as concerned as me about them only having the standard size run. It should be arriving Monday/Tuesday, I ordered the anti peck spray from the same company, Omlet, who make the Eglus.
PND today has not been too bad, not a completely great day, with a mini meltdown over supper as Emily complained even before she got to the table that she didnt like it. *sigh* its very frustrating and I did lose my cool a little, though Hubby was there to diffuse the situation. This whole thing is not fair on anyone, I suffer, the children suffer, hubby is suffering. Its an illness that affects the entire family, one way or another yet its all my fault. The Health Visitor came yesterday, bizarrely, I enjoy her visits, I get to talk about how I am feeling/coping (or not) and she askes pertinent questions that make me see things from different angles and this then gives me new options that perhaps I would not have thought of. I expressed my concern that hubby is exhausted and suffering with lack of sleep. He works all day, comes home, eats supper then I go upstairs on my own whilst he deals with the children and the aftermath of supper. Then he comes upstairs, I take care of Howard and he gets the older two into bed, then he goes downstairs to tidy up, clear away, do laundry and/or ironing (he does take a long time to iron a shirt thought) and he often doesnt get to bed until 1am, only to be woken by Arthur at about 4am when hubby then goes and sleeps on a makeshift bed on the floor in Arthurs room, till about 6 when they all then go down for breakfast. However, if I dont get enough sleep, the PND symptoms are much worse the next day or so, and he then gets called home from work or something. We simply do not know what to do for the best. I asked if there was any sort of help we might be able to get, though she didnt hold out for much hope, she said she would look into it. I am not sure what help we need to be honest.
I have been trying to plan my allotment. Not easy as I dont have the items I wanted to get (on my Christmas list but thats another story). So, I am trying to work out a plan of action. I hope to go down, possible Sunday, if not next Wednesday, and measure out where I want my beds to go, and then start clearing the first ones. I was going to try and clear the whole plot in one go, but, that is not going to work, so now, its going to be one bed at a time. Slowly but surely. I want raised beds, and I am going to measure up when I go down and try and buy one set of plinths to make the first bed. Then dig over the area, then place the edges in, and then infill with some of the fab compost I have home here, and the compost from the heap on my plot. Long term, I want to built three compost bins down there, and do 'hotbedding' whereby the compost heap is also put to work growing crops before the compost is then added to the beds. Its done on a three rotation, one empty composter being filled, one being used, and one growing things. So, lots of plans, lets just hope time and weather allow.

We have six Chickens! Today we drove to collect our new hens, and Eglu. We bought them from a lady who having returned to work just felt that she and they were not getting a lot from each other. So. Now they are here with us. Hubby and I put the run and Eglu together with the enthusiatic *help* of our two oldest children. Excitement was boiling over though as we lifted each hen from her transportation box and found, nestled in the straw a perfectly formed egg. I really hope the move has not upset them and stops them laying, or worse causes one or more to become eggbound. Lets hope not. They will have to stay in their run for about a week, before I let them free range, possibly Friday. I shall see how they get on, how they cope with the other three and how the laying goes. Their eggs are much larger than Storms.
More chickeny news though. Yesterday we were out all day, and got home around 6, so I went out to close the Eglu door and thought I would just do a quick nest check. There was one egg there, I picked it up, took it indoors and popped it straight into the bowl with the others in the larder, I didnt even look at it. This morning, I took the bowl out to date the egg from yesterday and was surprised to see that it was a very different colour to the usual ones Storm has been laying. It is MUCH lighter and creamier in colour, storms are a sort of warm mid to dark beige, this was a creamy pale beige. I am now wondering if it is in fact Charlottes first egg! I shall be interested to see what is in the nest box tomorrow. Should that be nest boxes though, afterall I can't wait to see if my new girls continue to lay.
The house is a mess. Tomorrow I am going to have a go at tidying the dresser in the hall, a task I set myeslf on Friday but as previously explained, it didnt get done. It is on my list for tomorrow. Actually its the only thing on my list for tomorrow, well apart from cleaning out the green Eglu, as it didn't get done today, but I dont really count that as a chore as I like it.
I think Howard is teething. We have seen that there are two bottom teeth trying to make it through but nothing much is happening, but tonight he has been crying, unhappily which he doesnt do, he cries if he is lonely because he can't see me, and occasionally as he tries to get to sleep if he is tired but this crying was very different. I gave him a small does of Ibuprofen, and he seems to have nodded off to sleep now. I hope he sleeps later than he did this morning, 5.30 he woke, and he was grumpy too, teeth, they really do cause a lot of trouble.

Lets get the PND stuff out the way first.

Last night, as I was trying to go to sleep, I decided that I would get three things done today. The first was that I would get the old 6-9 month clothes out of storage and washed for Howard. The second, I would get another batch of Sweet chilli Jam made and try to get it to be Jam and not toffee. The third was to tidy the dresser in the hall. I managed the first two (the Jam is the best!) but not the dresser, but, that is because I met a neighbour as I got back from the school run and invited her in for a coffee. This in itself is an achievement so I am not going to be hard on myself for the lack of dresser tidying. The rest of the day went well really. Until the children got in from school. They instantly went into tantrum mode and it pushed me to the edge. I ran away to the bathroom and locked myself in. Not good. I had an immense urge to bash my head against a wall, and I mean that literally, It was a desperate need, to go outside and hit my forehead against the corner of the house. In the end I phone hubby and told him. He came home from work early, organised a pizza for supper and gave me the biggest hugs. Without him I am not sure what I would do, to be honest.

So, to the rest of the day. I let the chickens into their run this morning, and optimistically checked the nest in the Eglu and LO! there was another egg, and it was practically hot, I am sure Storm laid it just as I was opening the run door it was that warm. I ran triumphantly into the house and passed it to hubby so he could feel just how warm it was. Emily also got to hold it too. Collecting these eggs is such an amazing feeling, a simple act, one that has been carried out for centuries, accross the entire world and yet, it fills me with a real sense of pleasure and achievment (can't imagine how it much make the hens feel). After the school run, the hens were allowed to free range in the Garden, whilst I enjoyed a coffee with my neighbour as mentioned above. After she had gone, I tackled the task of sorting out come next size up clothes for Howard and got those in the wash. It was quite nostalgic going through the box, seeing the clothes that Arthur had worn when he was a baby. Must sort out the stuff that Howard is now too big for and get that off to the charity shop too. Once that was done, it was on with the chilli Jam. Having made some a couple of days ago, and trying to work out just where it went to badly wrong, I decided to do it all as I did last time, but, to just boil it for a shorter time. It seems to have worked a treat. Just for the sake of Quality Checks I had a ham sandwich, with a nice spread of the Jam. It was delicious. More importantly, I could get it out of the jar easily.

After the Jam making I thought I would got and chat with the girls. Much chickeny excitment on my part. Storm came over and instantly crouched, followed by the other two who simply wanted to check they were not missing out on treats. But, when I reached towards Molly, she did a very quick but definite 'Bob' too! Later, when I went to give them their afternoon treat and get them into the run. She did it again and I even managed to pet her. Woohoo, another chicken considering laying eggs for us. Just Charlotte to go now.

A day of 'if it can go wrong'...

What a day. I knew it was going to be one of those days when I got out of bed this morning, turned to make sure my youngest was ok and he threw up all over our bed. This resulted in him needing a bath to get it out of his hair and ears. The sheets had to be taken off the bed and the mattress left to air. Then when brushing my daughters hair the hair elastic broke and I had to go off and try and find another. My two year old threw the mother of all tantrums whilst trying to get out of the door for the school run because he wanted to go into the sling carrier (My OCAH wrap conversopn MT) and my youngest was already in there but he wasnt to be put off by this. In the end I had to leave tantuming two year old home with my hubby,dash down to the school with Emily, leave her at the school classroom with a friend and her mum, rush back to the house (praying that the tantrum had subsided, which it had, thank goodness) so that hubby could go to work and not be too late and then dash down to the preschool with him so that we weren't late there.
I had planned to make a batch of Sweet Chilli Jam today. I should have left it until tomorrow I think. But, I didn't. Its the first time I've made it and it was so easy I shall make it often. However, I shall reduce the boiling time as I seem to have made sweet chilli toffee! Its almost solid in the jars. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry when I realised and decided to take the cheerier option. I thought about trying to rescue it but I really am not sure how and with all the hassle that it will involve it is as simple to make a new batch to be honest.
To top it all off, no eggs today from my hens. TSK.
However. Looking at this from another viewpoint. All this happening and yet, somehow I made it through. I have had some 'close' moments when I thought I was going to breakdown but somehow I have managed to get past them. Maybe today was sent to try and reassure me that I can get through it all.

I write this in an excited state of anticipation. A second hand Eglu, with three resident Hens was advertised on a forum I use. I thought there was no chance that Hubby would agree but I was astounded when he said YES! I contacted the seller, emails have been exchanged and a deal struck. We collect a Red Eglu, with girls on Sunday Morning. Once they all start laying I should hopefully get enough eggs to sell in boxes of 4. I wont make a fortune of course but it should go towards their upkeep. At the moment only Storm is laying, and not everyday yet either. I think we may get another egg today though as she is in and out of the nest box every 10-20 minutes or so, she is also very friendly and crouchy. In fact, even as I type this, I can see her sat in there, tossing the odd bit of hay over her shoulder. I hope she gets a move on, I have to collect our Eldest from School in an hour and I am so excited about the possibility of getting to collect a warm egg before then. *update* she finally laid her egg, its a MASSIVE (not) 36g, smaller than her first effort which was 39g. Oh well, it will still be delicious I am sure.



Also, on the self sufficient front. I have some Jam jars here now. I am going to make a batch of Sweet Chilli Jam tomorrow. I hope to make enough that a couple of Jars can go to the Church Stall on Saturday. If it turns out ok that is. If it does, its my intention to add it onto a list of things to make for Hampers for presents throughout the year and at Christmas. Ok, so I am thinking ahead, but, it can't hurt.


I am going to have to think about selling some more of my Baby carriers. I tend to stick to the same ones, the others will need to be sold I think. Trouble is, which to sell. At the moment I am using an OCAH Wrap MT conversion and its so supportive but, I find the straps dig in under my arms. Trouble is I love it. I have an Easysling MT which I custom ordered but I have never used. I will definetly keep my first Babyhawk carrier, its lovely and has huge sentiment attached. I love using the carriers, today my 2 year old had his nap just as we needed to leave for the school pick up run, so I popped him into the pushchair and slipped my 7 month old into the OCAH. By the time we got to school, 6 minutes away, they were both fast asleep.

My health vistor came today. She visits once a week to see how I am coping, with the PND. Its not been too bad today, though I did shed a tear or two whilst she was here. PND is such a difficult illness, often its regarded as a matter of weakness in the sufferer, its 'all in their head' but the reality is darker, lonelier, and scarier. Even worse, its never the same for two individuals, there are similarities but its always a personal illness. I've had it three times, after each of my children and its not been the same at all. I thought that my first bout of it was the worst, but, some of the symptoms this time are much scarier, I have wanted/tried to cut my arms. Oddly, the pain it caused was like flicking a switch to 'normal' and I stopped but its a terrifying feeling. This 'need' to hurt yourself, to bring yourself back to normal. Part of me was saying dont do it, its insane, yet another part was saying, if you do it, it will make you feel ordinary again. Thankfully, I have not had the urge or need to do this for several days. I can only pray its a phase that has passed.

Starting out

Welcome to my blog, wont you come on in?

I have decided to start this as a way of not only recording the mundane, day to day things that occur, but also the more exciting things that happen to me and mine. Exciting things! I am sure something will happen that will meet that criteria at least once in a while, so watch this space.
What is likely to come up in here then? Well...

My Children, all three of them, they are terrific, (usually) so I shall be mentioning their antics I am sure.

My Husband, he keeps me sane, well, as much as is possible, and he keeps me grounded. Of course he has his little annoyances but compared with my *things* I am fairly sure he got the worse cut from the deal.

My Chickens, they are new to us, we have had them about 10 days and quite frankly I wish we had got them years ago.

My allotment, its not going at all at the moment, but you will get to hear my trials and tribulations as I try to turn my plot of sodden, solid clay into something that produces an abundance of nutritious and wholesome foods. Maybe...

My Post Natal Illness. Not a cheery subject but none the less at the moment, sadly, it is a major part of mine and my family's life. I may be the one who has it, but we are all suffering from it.

Other things will pop up, somethings will disappear never to be seen again to be replaced with something new, I hope this will be a fluid blog, plotting the route that my life takes. Of course it may end up being completely tedious and boring to those who are unfortunate enough to stumble accross it, but I am sure they will get over it. Eventually.

Right now I can write no more as I have to go and prepare a delicious and warming supper for the masses. Today it will be a wonderfully reheated Supermarket Supper. Tsk!